I’m in computer programming class right now, trying to push through my third day. Its hard and frustrating to be behind on everything when it comes to this universe of tech. Everyone is so sure of their potential and opportunity of possible employment. All of it makes me nervous, through I had a 1 on 1 explanation earlier. I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I get those every time I’m not comfortable. I sweat, get tired, and I really feel like crying.
They happen only rarely. Now they are giving us our first real assignment that Im pretty sure we need to present.
The plus side is. they have nothing but healthy choices here to have. Unlimited amount of whatever drink or snack you want. And its all free. I even get my own ”photographer made” pass to get through to the cafeteria. I love the environment. the employees are all young and up to date with the business here. The office setting is highclass and unreal.
The men are usually all gorgeous. So are the women.
They are smart as fuck too.
Today we are also meeting Craig from craigslist for an hour lecture with a Q&A.
People, I feel out of my league. I got here though, right? I am here.
Im going to kick ass.
So watching the ending of ”my mad fat diary” season 2.
**And spoilers here!!!!**
Made me absolutely cry. I go through the same shit with body confidence. And when the young woman of over the 200 pound ”limit” that society has set, unrobes herself infront of her boyfreind/to be lover. She was terrified. And I mean they had stopped so many times because of this. But when the covering dropped, both the characters kissed.
And were in love.
Throughout the show. she never wanted to hold his hand or be seen affectionate with him in public for the fear of what others think. And even though he endlessly told her he didn’t care and wanted to be with her. She asked him. why do you like me? And he would always just say ”Because I do”, It made me angry! Why couldn’t she understand he just wanted her. Simply because he did. And then it hit home
Would I really need to question the next guy I date, why he likes me too?
She doubted herself almost constantly. With her therapist telling her ”If you saw a little girl crying because of the same issues you go through with, what would you do”? With what she replied with ”That shes okay, that she is perfect”, ”Well you need to do the same for you. Comfort yourself. Just as you would that little girl.” And don’t quote me. but I believe this was what was said.
At that point, I was balling. I was grabbing tissue like its was an endless supply of forests.
The main character ” Rae” was not an ideal woman. She was very heavy, a bit plain, and at times stubborn as fuck.
But she was funny, kind, and a wonderful friend.
I fell in love with Rae. Just as ”Finn” her boyfriend did. I knew the audience of the show was as well.
From episode to episode even though weight is mentioned, non-stop. I didnt think about it. I wanted to know the romance and the mystery of the plot of what was happening to Rae. Her chubby features disappeared.
She was beautiful. Is beautiful.
Finn had it right, even though he was an athlete and a ladies man.
He cared about her. HER. Not the body that the spirit possesses.
Im tearing up now as well.
Physical attraction is good, its natural. But it has to be taught, that its not everything. Skin is just a color to our surroundings and what the skin carries is what keeps us to survive.
Im not shaming preference. Im shaming the shaming of bodies.
We are all a vessel, for what we are,
And that’s you.
GUEST: We’re interested in 2 tickets to a Broadway show tonight. Either Mamma Mia or Rock of Ages. Which would you recommend?
CONCIERGE: Well, that probably depends on the music you prefer. Rock of Ages is going to be 80s rock like Journey and Styx. They encourage you to be drinking in your seats…
Being so young and so in love with making an adventure happen. I have decided to pursue a man 6 years older then I. But best part about it. My family doesn’t care. He is a Latin, good-looking, sweet and most of all in touch with finding himself.
Well, last time we met. He offered to get me some food. Then a blanket. And we talked for sometime, shared a conversation about his home while taking deep breaths from our cigarettes by a bonfire in a mutual friends backyard.
He isn’t exactly the cutest of the bunch but I’m definitely down to get his attention.
Saturday, I’m going to another get together with everyone. Including him. Hopefully this goes somewhere.
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